Being born to a family of multi-beliefs, I was caught in between a non-practicing Roman Catholic father, a Buddhist mother, a goddess of mercy-worshipper nanny, a Christian eldest sister & a Jeffrey Archer follower older sister in my adolescent years. When my eldest sister returned from the States while I was in Form 1, she shared with me the story of how someone died for my sins & that I would be forgiven & would go to heaven. That seemed like the most logical & sound way to live despite not knowing the means to get to the end. I did what most new believers would do, go to church on Sundays, participate in everything & of course read the Bible. Then at the age of 17, when I got a taste of what the world offered, having met Duran Duran, Tommy Page, Danni Minogue, Indecent Obsession in person, I was even more curious at the possibilities of life itself outside the church. Needless to say, I spent the next decade experiencing the pleasures of mankind, the torrents of relationships, the art of being a woman, the challenge of being an animal rights’ activist & the struggle of being a marine conservationist. I took on challenges that not many a lady would venture into. Some were stories of success by man’s standards, some were costly mistakes I’d rather not remember. I thought that if my father was an extraordinary sportsman, as reported countlessly in the newspapers after championing SEA, Asian, Commonwealth & ASEAN Games as a shooter, the apple shouldn’t fall that far from the tree. Somehow, I felt that I was still short of God’s standards, lacking in my biological father’s superb capabilities as national shooter & golfer plus I didn’t feel worthy to be in church.
Then of course, in my line of duty, I met people who are cheats. People who tried to get into my pants. People who break promises. People who betrayed me. People who were nasty, haughty, wicked & vindictive. Adulterers. They were Christians too. Some still go to church, some don’t. Maybe that’s not so bad after all. I’d just be adding to the numbers. I’m not that much better off either. From where we can see it, that’s how they appeared to me. The culprits. The drunkards. The bandits. The wife beaters. The liars. The drug pushers. The gamblers. The gangsters. The sinners. The multiple daters. That was then. The church is the only place that would accept them.
This is now. I’d just give you a brief of what encountering God in person, was like. A humbling experience in Maldives in which I was deafened & crippled from diving. I had certainly not expected such intensity of a meeting neither had I expected God to appear in the form of a big fish that was trapped, caught & subsequently bludgeoned to death. Yet when I looked into the fish’s eye, I knew I had met my Maker. So it’s my story. It wasn’t until I rededicated my life to God that things began to happen. I got my hearing back & God restored my ability to dive. Things began to pick up at feverish pace. I was quickened to do things which I had not done before. Including going to church & seeing things. Well, in church there are those culprits still, but there are also those who have been reformed & restored to life through the miracles that worked in them including the healing of cancer, stroke, & the restored relationships. What then, did I make of those whom I had the privilege to witness their lives’ testimonies…? Were they for real? Why is the church so full of these people? I should be thankful for being counted as worthy to experience God.
The cleaning up of my act has begun. I can’t stand the thought that I would be giving an account of my life before God when the day comes, detailing every single event of my life, trying to justify why I did this & did not do that. I began to lose the interest in going to night spots. I grew inhibitions & modesty in my dressing. I really don’t know what to do with my see-throughs & cropped tops now. The only time I bare my skin is when I’m dressing up to go diving. I developed a distaste for horror movies. I wasn’t as obsessed with weight watching as I used to be & certainly am not anorexic nor bulimic. The only time I’m ostentatious is when I’m on stage acting. Intimate relationship? Non existent & not missing it. ‘Bird’ ogling at hip joints has turned to bird watching in Kuala Selangor. I am able to break into song when I’m visiting old folks homes to bring a smile upon the bedridden & the lonely. Horrors, I’m even able to hold their wrinkly hand as I sing! I became a magnet to children especially the orphaned ones or those from broken families. I’m able to cry without feeling silly or sad. I am able speak a different language that has never been taught nor heard of. I really have this feeling that I’m not of this world. What on earth is God doing in my life? Why do I love every single minute of life when life used to be such a struggle? Is there something that I’d missed out on in the 10 years that I was living my own way? Or was that a training ground for me for what is to happen in the future??? Now that I’m attending church, why are these people seemed set apart?
I realised that the church is not just the building that houses the believers. It is the body of Christ. And each member is a part of it.. The selfless members who are ever so willing to extend the hospitality; the home fellowship that allows more intimacy with one another in a smaller group within the church that provides the spiritual covering from the principalities, powers & rulers of darkness suddenly becomes an integral part of living; & the ministry of performing arts that allow even the most timid of souls to exude boldness in character is really something to reckon with.
What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin so that grace may abound? Let it not be! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Do you not know that as many of us as were baptised into Jesus Christ were baptised into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him by baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father; even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been joined together in the likeness of His death, we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection; knowing this, that our old man is crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be destroyed, that from now on we should not serve sin. For he who died has been justified from sin. But if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that when Christ was raised from the dead, He dies no more; death no longer has dominion over Him. For in that He died, He died to sin once; but in that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise count yourselves also to be truly dead to sin, but alive to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. Do not yield your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but yield yourselves to God, as one alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under Law, but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under Law, but under grace? Let it not be! Do you not know that to whom you yield yourselves as slaves for obedience, you are slaves to him whom you obey; whether it is of sin to death, or of obedience to righteousness.
But thanks be to our God that you were the slaves of sin, but you have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. Then being made free from sin, you became the slaves of righteousness. I speak in the manner of men because of the weakness of your flesh; for as you have yielded your members as slaves to uncleanness, and to lawless act unto lawless act, even so now yield your members as slaves to righteousness unto holiness. For when you were the slaves of sin, you were free from righteousness. What fruit did you have then in those things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now, being made free from sin, and having become slaves to God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:1 - 23
In dying to ourselves, to our evil desires, our selfish acts, our strong will, our unrighteousness, our perverse thoughts, our pleasures of the flesh, we are dead to sin. We have the power then, to triumph over sin when we confess our sins & repent. The power of the blood of Christ forgives us of our trespasses & cleanses us of all unrighteousness. Only then, can we reign as members of the body of Christ which is the church because when one member suffers, the whole church suffers with it. The church is for people like me. I rejoice for I am dying daily & wanting to be fully dead.
