Dive Terminology

Pummkin's Pitch Ever so often, I'm faced with many divers exhibiting many kinds of habits & displaying a variety of emotions/attitude/behaviour of which I've been challenged to give them its proper terminology/classification. This way, it helps to 'IDENTIFY' their special needs & help DMs who are 'expected' to babysit, handle the situation better. Feel free to add to this list as this is meant to exhibit the various facade of divers. 1) The Barracuda - the hot-blooded male who would pursue & devour anything & everything that wears shiny ornaments (hairclips, glitter nail enamel, lip gloss.....) usually active at night. 2) Cuttlefish - the delicate one who changes colour as its' emotions flutter from being cheerful to grumpy & then sulk for the rest of the dive trip because the handsome barracuda is paying attention to other Spanish Dancers.... 3) Remora - the diver who would have at least an arm or a leg wrapped around yours for security & locomotion. They would almost always find the most capable diver in the group & latch on for life. 4) Octopus - the diver who pokes, prod, pries open everything, on the rocks & under, sticks its' head into affairs, extend its' arms to grope on the pretext of feel; tries to get into crevices both above & underwater & can often blend in with the crowd with its' adaptability.... 5) Juvenile Harlequin Sweetlips - the one who looks really good, who hasn't mastered its' buoyancy control & sways/swirls its' fins/limbs to move a short distance. Usually doesn't know where it's going. Has a lot of fancy equipment that can't help at all. 6) Triggerfish - majestic-looking grumpy bugger who is extremely territorial when it comes to personal equipment/belongings. Always argue with the rest of the divers in the group; can't take instructions; annoys the life out of DMs & usually pick on them. 7) Trevally - the diver who dashes from point to point, often looking for big things but never find them, fins ahead of everybody, fins back to find out why everyone's hanging around then fins away again only to fin back to find divers at the same spot. Oh, I've had those that kick me in my face & dislodge my mask, very often I turn into a REMORA when I get them coming in front of me! When they feel your weight, they will scramble out of the way. Most importantly is that you never lose your cool......be a SEA CUCUMBER & take the s**t from everybody, if all else fails, eviscerate(a defence mechanism of a sea cucumber to spew white stuff to deter predator, if this fails, they will spew their intestines). Aaahhh.....SPANISH DANCERS, just when you think they are a joy to look at, the daintiest of the beauty of all things soft & pretty (like the ones BARRACUDAs like to go for), they lift off, flap their mantle & start swimming away into yonder, leaving everyone baffled as to who had the duty to look after this dame. The DMs would mount a search & rescue operation only to find this damsel on another boat, apparently lost & got chaperoned by a BARRACUDA from another dive operator. Then of course, there are those who refuse to come down to the reef no matter what jewel, treasure, critter, chiton that you've discovered & choose to remain above everyone else, hovering at the safe limit - they are called MANTA RAYS. Never underestimate the simplicity of this name. It comes out from nowhere, strikes a blow, usually in the form of a prey, perhaps landing with a CUTTLEFISH or a SPANISH DANCER for the night & retreats into its' burrow, as fast as it appeared. With a force of a 220 calibre bullet, this MANTIS SHRIMP is capable of assisting the production MANTLEFISH or SPANISH SHRIMPs (think genetic crossing) in a matter of seconds. Then CUTTLEFISH & SPANISH DANCER shall dive no more...... The most entertaining of them all - THE FLAMBOYANT CUTTLEFISH - rare breed, always like to be in colourful & sometimes dazzling attire, coupled with swaying motion, not female but graciously effeminate, very often demonstrating flexible-wrist-movement set to hynotise you. Only there for a time & a season then a whole new breed comes along. Have you come across any of them???